Infertility is just as painful for the men in the journey as it is for us women. They show their frustrations differently, they process their stress differently, and they are hurting differently. They are the fixers, generally speaking and they want us to get over the pain quickly so that they can get us back to how we used to be. They want to provide us with strength and hold us up because they see us falling deep into a hole. They can also be the ones that are suffering from not being able to provide you with the family that you both are wanting so badly. This seriously effects how they feel about influencing your mood, how they provide for you, and their definition of what it is to be a strong and powerful man.
So what do you do about all this info?
Acknowledge that our guys are in pain too, even if they don′t show it. Understand that they handle the stress and pressure of IF differently. They often retreat faster than we can say, “wait.”
It′s common to take it personally when he leaves the house and retreats, and that′s when we need him the most. Try bringing it up, calmly and pointing out what you noticed in his behavior. When I practiced this with my Dutchman, he started to vent the stresses from work, our treatments, and that he couldn′t fix my pain. I asked him, how I could support him? This was the turning point for us. When I asked to be of service to him.
Try having compassion for your man, while he processes the pain differently. Also, don′t take it personally when he is trying to find “his” way through this mess.
Since it′s Father′s Day on Sunday, acknowledge and honor what he may need to cope with the pain of infertility. He may not want to even think about it and have a day of fun, or a special day of escape. Notice what he has done in the past to relief stress and encourage him to do whatever that activity is. Some men need the gym, a golf game, or time with the boys. Some may need a day with you with a walk somewhere special for the both of you. And some may appreciate you just giving him a tight hug, a good beer and a little lovin′ time without the pressure of creation. Most important, spend this Sunday, pumping up your Big Daddy-to-be.